haphazard.

It's a vicious whirlwind of a cycle and impossible to escape.

GBV lyrics never fail me, sometimes I feel like I cant relate to them without really understanding why. It's like certain phrases jump out at me and everything seems to fall into place afterwards.

No, I am not high. I just love GBV.

Hey little girl would you stop and just lay back
It's so hard to believe that you're so sad
And I know we just keep talking about it
In a swirl bunch of nothing turned inside out
I don't care what you do anymore

The line that stood out to me initially was the last one. 


In the words of T.S. Eliot... 
"Genuine poetry can communicate before it is understood." 

Robert Pollard's lyrics must be genuine poetry. 

I hate the video pop ups.

Weed isn't a drug so quit acting like you a thug

social error.

I am like an overly proud parent when it comes to talking about my boyfriend. Yes, I am one of those girls. I never thought I would be, but this particular boy has made me gone completely off track. I am no longer an ice queen, and though being aware of that particular fact makes me capable of altering it, I don't want to. I know it sounds ridiculous, getting all wrapped up in someone, actually feeling like a better person because of them, etc... but it is true.

I have become one of those girls I loathed in my earlier years, that I swore that I would never become. I know enjoy sappy love stories, can express my feelings, even cry. I can let my guard down, I'm ok with someone knowing everything about me, I might even want him to...

Heartbroken.

I am crushed.
Completely broken.
What stability I did have has now been obliterated and it feels as there is no fixing me.
It seems there is no use in even attempting to.
That's not how it's supposed to be though.
I am supposed to be tough, strong, maybe even hard.
But that protects me, well supposed to.
This just confirms that I am destined to be alone.

rattled.

How does one distinguish modesty from low self esteem?
It seems to be a concept I can't grasp. Or perhaps it's my delivery, I can feel perfectly confident and at ease until someone comes up and tells me to gain some confidence. When one feels like they are already doing so, where do they go after a comment like that? For me it is clear in the other direction, paranoia and the undeniable feeling of failure strike. Confidence turns into concern and worry and then desperation, the need to look confident become more apparent and in return just making the individual appear to have less and less pride in their impression of them self. Where does one go from there?

Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well.

irksome.

IT IS A SHITTY SITUATION to see your ex boyfriend is now hanging out with a girl who seems 10 times cooler then you and who is also amzingly gorgeous, with out make up. I think it is quite literally impossible to completely get over someone who was close to you at one point in your life, well impossible for me anyway, considering there is only a few I let get close enough to me to truly mean anything. They say time heals all wounds, but sometimes I find it's the opposite, time wounds all heals. Think about it.

VOID THIS. To feel like you're not over someone is an error within ones self. It means you aren't settled within and you seem to think that other person filled a gap. They filled no gap, they merely created the illusion that a part of you is gone once they are. You were completely content without that person, and you are even better without them. They did not leave a hole, but rather room to breath because they wedged them self in in the first place. Just because you chose to cram things together to make them fit does not mean they left a gaping hole once gone. I am happy to say I now know it is NOT impossible to get over someone.

Exasperated.

I have come to the conclusion that I am destined to be alone. I can’t stand people, not the same ones in large doses anyways. I am impatient, practically OCD and potentially a bit bipolar. It’s inevitable that I am not meant to be with people. I imagine that I will grow old in an amazing flat in downtown somewhere, have a physically fabulous life style, but not have any one but my loyal dog(s) to keep me company and my bed warm at night. I won’t have anyone to worry about except for myself, excluding my family members and more of acquaintances then friends to splurge on during the holidays. That is one thing I do enjoy doing, is buying people gifts, if I have the money that is. It is just so exciting to be out window shopping and then find something that suits someone you know perfectly, it’s a good feeling, it really is.