Sucker For Sinatra

I seriously crush so easily. Little quirks, a sweet smile, pretty eyes, I become infatuated. I like to think it is because I find the best in everyone, or perhaps I just have raging hormones, but I fall easily. However, despite how many individuals I am attracted to, I seldom pursue, and I prefer it that way. Crushes are perfect, you get to admire from afar, sometimes even interact, but there is no pressure, there is no expectations, no disappointments. You get to allow yourself to be smitten without the assumptions of how "things should go". Ideally, the other party is clueless of your crush and you simply get to marvel at their existence. Sometimes there is a sliver of sexual tension but it stops at just that.

What is the point of taking things further? If you have pleasant feelings towards someone, why would you want to change that by attempting "something more"?

Some argue it is a shot a happiness, but frankly, you already seem to be happy, no? How different would things be if no one committed fully to anyone, and we all just had our secret crushes that we would flirt with and be content with that and nothing else? Clearly some individuals are more ambitious than others and because of that I do not find they would be content. Honestly, there are some instances that I find ambition is confused with selfishness, but that is for another post.

It could not be more obvious that only someone who is not in love nor seriously dating would write a post such as this. But I am satisfied. I have my fun flirting, I do my occasional day dreaming, and it comes to a resounding halt after that. I can appreciate a beautiful person without any guilt that I am "cheating" on my partner. (The reason for having the term cheating in quotes is due to the idea that many have different interpretations of just what it is.) I have no shame in admiring a nice body, or acknowledging ones intelligence, or appreciating ones sense of humor. The idea of embarrassment or screwing up disintegrates because honestly I am not concerned with how they feel about me, only how I feel when I am around them or think about them.

Yes, this may come off as selfish. Perhaps it is nothing more than that. Yet, as I mentioned before, I enjoy it, and to be frank, is flirting not one of the greatest forms of flattery? I get a high off complimenting someone with a smile and they get the ego boost.

What I find wonderfully unique about a crush is there is a great chance that no interaction has to occur in order for a crush to take place. I can see an individual in public, be attracted to their attire, notice their politeness, and then all of a sudden, I find myself charmed by this complete stranger I know nothing of. Or minimal action can occur and it can still seem just as wonderful. Have you ever had an attractive barista whom you had an intelligent 90 second conversation with? A waitress who made you laugh and happened to be witty? A professors whose perspective on life and intelligence you were simply intoxicated by?

Of course these are all situations in which you would not pursue the other individual. That is what makes the interaction so great. You know you don't have to see them again, and maybe they were just good at their job, but it worked! You obtained a chipper attitude from that short interaction, They may have actually even enjoyed your company as well. In a sense, you know it would "never happen" so you take advantage of the moment and just roll with it. Carpe diem, some may say, (I may be the only one to use that towards the concept of flirting), but in the word of Hamlet, "To be or not to be" and that is in the sense of whether or not to enjoy your crushes, and be a charmer. If you are clueless on all of this I am sincerely sorry for you and hope you try flirting with a stranger the next time you get a chance. You will find that the stranger you had minimal contact with will indeed make you happier than that person you dated for two years. This is because you know no bad things of the person, they have not made you angry, you have not made mistakes in front of them, there is a chance you only get to experience each other's best side and it is terrific.

I am perfectly aware that "love" happens by appreciating and working through the worst. Yet, I am not interested in the time being of such things. Perfectly capable of crushing, not so much on falling in love. I may be slightly bitter, I am not in denial of that. "Love" has let me down, crushes, however, have not. Please continue with your facebook posts consisting of how this person "completes you" and how you have "no idea where you would be without your other half" I am going to stick to my minimal commitment, no interaction, flirtatious, crushes, and you endure true love forever.

That escalated quickly. Really, I just crush on a lot of people, and it is always in good intentions. My Frank Sinarta playlist is over and my bottle of wine is empty, I would say it is time to call it a night.


This is a somewhat controversial topic, and I love hearing other opinions.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2N1Fg0tJoA

defeat.

Nothing makes you second guess every little thing you've done in your life like having a loved one commit suicide. You rewind and replay every encounter you've ever had with them. You remember the fights but not what was so important to be mad about. You remember the conversations and wonder if they were always about you. Did they ever trying reaching out to you? Or were you too self centered to know? What was so important about your life that made you oblivious to their pain? You keep replaying and replaying every encounter, as far back as you can remember. When did it start? When did the darkness start creeping and finally take over? How does someone miss that? You tell yourself if you only knew, it wouldn't have happened, but could you really do anything about it? Or is it like a switch? And once their mind is made up there is no getting around it. We've all been down at times, but what was so intense about their life that they just decided to end it? What was it that sent them over the edge? To the point that they officially decided this life was not worth living?

Suicide is by far the most selfish act one can commit, is it not? The only person they're thinking about is them self at that time, they're consumed with only the notion what they want. How do they not realize they're causing pain for so many others by such a thing? What makes them think that everyone else wants them gone just as bad as they do? It's heartbreaking, it's insulting, it's confusing. You ask yourself what form expression were you failing to provide them, what were they missing and confirmed they were unable to obtain it, were they looking to you the whole time to step up and see what they were feeling? If so, why did they give up on you?

Poetry is not a turning loose of emotion, but an escape from emotion; it is not the expression of personality, but an escape from personality. But, of course, only those who have personality and emotions know what it means to want to escape from these things.

-T.S. Eliot 


Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.
-Ernest Hemingway

I honestly believe there is no truer saying than ignorance is bliss. 

Society is kind of twisted when a guy is friendly to a girl and her first instinct is "creep". But that's how it is. Our culture has some how mutated to the point that friendly is no longer the norm, and what isn't norm is like, creepy. I'm guilty of this. I don't know how to react sometimes when a guy is friendly, whether he's physically attractive or not, friendly can just seem creepy. It's almost like the jerks seem easier to approach than someone who is super friendly. Now nice is different. For some reason nice doesn't seem creepy like friendly is. What the exact distinction between the two is... quite frankly I haven't a clue.
It is a very fine line that is nearly impossible to define. I can imagine this puts guy into some distress. If they want the attention of a girl, they don't know how to act around her. If he's a jerk, most likely she won't be interested in him. If he's friendly, he's going to creep her out and just make her run in the complete opposite direction. He can try being nice, but being nice can imply he isn't interested in her, like interested in her, and in return she will put him in the friend zone. My advice? Just quite while you're behind.

I feel bad for the fellas, I really do.

Being able to interact with the opposite sex seems like it has to be a natural ability. One either has it or they don't.

And now the wall goes up.

What do you do when your world has been turned upside down and the one you would usually go to, the one who would fix it and let you know everything is going to be ok, is the one who in fact, turned your world upside down?

And the sickest thing about the situation is that I love/loved (is there a difference?) him so much that I'm glad I am the one suffering with this heart break. I would never wish this kind of pain upon him. Ironically enough my silver lining is that it is me having to deal with this, not him.

Chocolate is the best medicine

Relationships can make you the happiest individual in the world, or the most miserable. It all depends on the status you have with that person. And when the status seems to go sour, that can make one absolutely hate life. It's hardest when things use to be so perfect. How does it happen that feelings change? That relationships grow apart? What causes that all to happen? Or what causes one person in the relationship's status to change from the others'? Why can't both be consistent and in sync? How can one say that they care about the other but have their actions show no such thing? Why is it so difficult to be straight forward and honest? How can one seem so great to the other and then all of sudden seem drab and dull? Is it because they have met someone else? What if they haven't? Then what is the answer? How can one continue to be so selfish when they see the other is bending backwards to try and maintain the relationship during difficult times? It's a team effort, right? And yet, how can one be too busy to try and explain what they mean when they say "It just doesn't seem to be working"?  So what does that mean? How can it be so difficult to simply say whether it is or is not worth fixing? Like they need a checklist of what the relationship entails and then be able to determine if they want to commit or not. WHO CARES ABOUT THE FUCKING CHECKLIST. The other individual either is or is not worth keeping in one's life and once decided which, (hopefully rather promptly, and if not, that is an answer in its self, don't you think?) the individual needs to act on that decision. Sometimes there is no "riding the fence" option.

Turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese

I find it really frustrating when I have an idea that I want to elaborate, but once I finally get onto blogger I can't think of the insightful post I wanted to share. Fortunately I now have blogger on my phone so sharing creativity is just a few touches away (Yes. I have the iPhone and am in love with it).