Heartbroken.

I am crushed.
Completely broken.
What stability I did have has now been obliterated and it feels as there is no fixing me.
It seems there is no use in even attempting to.
That's not how it's supposed to be though.
I am supposed to be tough, strong, maybe even hard.
But that protects me, well supposed to.
This just confirms that I am destined to be alone.

rattled.

How does one distinguish modesty from low self esteem?
It seems to be a concept I can't grasp. Or perhaps it's my delivery, I can feel perfectly confident and at ease until someone comes up and tells me to gain some confidence. When one feels like they are already doing so, where do they go after a comment like that? For me it is clear in the other direction, paranoia and the undeniable feeling of failure strike. Confidence turns into concern and worry and then desperation, the need to look confident become more apparent and in return just making the individual appear to have less and less pride in their impression of them self. Where does one go from there?

Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well.